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10) Whether you’re still dealing with old losses and hurts that you’ve been avoiding by bouncing from relationship to relationship.
If you have, you’ll find that breakups reopen old wounds and because they appear to be similar (they’re not – each experience is unique), you’ll react to the old hurts and what you feel is more messaging, instead of dealing with the current situation.
What all of these factors tell you, is that while you can’t control or change the fact that the relationship has ended or that you’re going to experience some pain, discomfort, and change, what you can control is how much more pain you experience as a result of what you choose to heap onto the experience. If you date, live, and love with your self-esteem in tow, while you’ll still be hurt after a breakup and it’ll take a while to get over it, all that is on the fire is that relationship.
When you break up with someone, there’s the ‘dreaded’ pain that follows along with white space opening up where you thought you had a shared future.
There’s likely a delayed reaction and it may take a day or few, or even a week before it hits you full force that it’s over.
In the days, weeks, and possibly months that follow, you have to face the loss and your feelings about it so that you can pave the way to a different and hopefully better relationship.
From Day Zero of your breakup, in the seconds, minutes, hours, and then days and weeks that pass, you, by way of your actions and mentality, have an opportunity to limit the amount of pain that you experience.
The limitation doesn’t happen due to you avoiding your feelings or trying to have your ex on some terms rather than no terms; it’s directly influenced by: 1) Whether you accept that the relationship is over and validate the reasons for it.if you don’t like them. The more it derails, the more things you have to deal with.